And then came Noodle

So, it's been a while. Sometimes thoughts don't flow well or life keeps me busy, too busy for blogging. Many pseudo entries have been composed during runs but never made it to the keyboard and thus were not posted. However, when certain thoughts keep repeating maybe then it is time to actually sit down to write. As I type the house is quiet. Husband sleeps in and the OTHER is on her bed as well. The OTHER? That's what this entry will be about.
Last year, January 18, 2008. A positive sign, unexpectedly, shows that one plus one can make three ( or four, in our case) We are happy, more so since we had thought that this could not happen for us anymore. But early on there are signs of trouble. Then, a moment of joy and less concern as we can see a heartbeat that is just right. We hope. I pray, offer to sacrifice my running as long as things turn out well. For those who know me, this is a big sacrifice. But it pales in comparison. February 18, 2008. During one awful night hope slips away and all prayers cannot stop the inevitable. Running is an option again but for the first time offers no consolation. I argue with myself during my runs: No, this is not what I wanted. I would have joined the walking crowd if only...
If only...
Time passes. It does not heal all wounds, as they say, it just makes them scab over, hurt less. Reminders of what could have been are everywhere and frequent. We go through mourning, anger, sadness. Rationally, we know that it was a long shot anyhow, that it is nature's way, that it was not meant to be for reasons that are valid scientifically. Emotionally, we just hurt.

Fast forward, almost a year. We want another miracle and are in fact still hopeful, for a while. Age though, even when we do not feel it in other ways, does put a stop to certain biological processes and we have to resign ourselves to the fact that this applies to us as well.
One day, at lunch, we look out the window, across the lake and there is a black lab bathing, no owner in sight. Strange. Turns out, this one is enjoying its dangerous freedom, running around on the streets. Capturing it is not easy, but I succeed and Huntsville Animal Services takes over. Dog is friendly, seems well fed, but has no collar. We are sure an owner will claim its beloved pet but do give our name to the shelter. We post a photo in the neighborhood to increase the odds for a reunification. Two weeks later, a phone call. Nobody has claimed Dog 75, as she ( yes, it's a girl) is now known. We go to the shelter, even though we know, that this is not a good time for a dog. We look at her, she wags her tail ever so slightly and whines a little but does not get up. We are told that the shelter takes in 150 animals WEEKLY and that this one is old, as in 12 years old and we are its only chance. Todd of the shelter says to not feel bad, she's had a long life already. We try to look at some other animals but seeing row upon row of pleading eyes I cannot do it. We leave since we do not even know whether we are allowed to have a dog in our rented house. We know that 75 is now on borrowed time, it's Thursday, if we do not call by Monday there will be no more bathing in lakes. We discuss, conclude we will ask our landlady, let fate make the decision. She says yes. We look at each other and know, we are now committed. We cannot pass this sentence. We figure, two more years or so for 75, but at least she can pass on in a dignified manner and have some happy days. As we fill out the adoption papers, surprise. 75 is maybe 4 or 5 they say. Plus, she is sick, with heartworm, another death sentence if left untreated. By now, we have outfitted the house for her arrival. She comes with us. Her rotund form lends itself to her new name: Noodle.
January 15, 2009. We have a dog. She is sweet, from the very first moment on. Within a few days it is as if she has always been here. She learns how to "sit", how to "stay" and how to not rip my arm out of its socket when we take our walks. It is determined that she can be treated for the heartworm, even though it is dangerous. But she should have a full life. Newest estimates put her at 7 years of age.
And I finally feel that there is a moment of grace, after this awful year. We were ready to make room for another life and now it has come to pass. Not quite the way we imagined it but fate works in mysterious ways. I think I can let go now and accept what has happened. I am not religious but I want to think that a higher force worked things out for us, maybe took pity on us and our loss in turn became a gain.
Mornings begin with happy snuffling noises now.
January 18, 2009. A year has passed. Noodle is excited, walking through the Botanical Garden, enjoying Dog Days. Her picture is taken for an event magazine. She sits and poses. The date does not escape me. We are sad but I think, at peace. Life has come full circle.